Happy Easter Everyone!!
This week, April 21-27, is National Infertility Awareness Week. A week dedicated to shining light on this issue that affects so many women and men across the world. I want to personally thank all of the women (and men) who have reached out to me and my husband the last 4 months in support of our journey to parenthood (and those behind the scenes that have been with us through this since Day 1). Also, to the brave souls that have shared their story or struggles with me, either on the blog, in a letter, a message, or call, because we decided to go public with ours. It is not something that is easy to talk about by any means but we are building our support system and community each day. As you my know, infertility is not a choice, it does not discriminate, and you may not know, but you know more people struggling then you realize.
A majority of the time writing these blogs, or writing in my journal, is extremely difficult. For us personally, we are fortunate enough and blessed to have insurance coverage through my husband's work and the work flexibility from my job to go through this process the last 4 months and counting. But, everyone doesn't have that privilege. There are many people out there that have to save their entire life savings to just try one round of treatment, take out loans, get second or third jobs, max out credit cards to help pay for the $50,000 IVF procedure. To you, I tip my hat and respect the crap out of you. As for work, many have had to quit their jobs because of the time demands the appointments take. So if you have a job that is willing to work with you and supervisors that support you, thank them. (Thank you CENTERS!!)
Facts about Infertility
Here are some facts about infertility:
1 in 8 couples (or 12% of married women) have trouble getting pregnant or sustaining a pregnancy. (2006-2010 National Survey of Family Growth, CDC)
7.4 million women, or 11.9% of women, have ever received any infertility services in their lifetime. (2006-2010 National Survey of Family Growth, CDC)
Approximately one-third of infertility is attributed to the female partner, one-third attributed to the male partner and one-third is caused by a combination of problems in both partners or, is unexplained. (www.asrm.org)
A couple ages 29-33 with a normal functioning reproductive system has only a 20-25% chance of conceiving in any given month (National Women’s Health Resource Center). After six months of trying, 60% of couples will conceive without medical assistance. (Infertility As A Covered Benefit, William M. Mercer, 1997)
Unfortunately, many people think they should wait up to 30 months before seeking help. In reality, people should seek treatment for infertility after 12 months of unprotected intercourse. Women older than 35 should not wait longer than 6 months to see a specialist. If you are aware of factors that will inhibit your chances of getting pregnant, seek advice and counsel as soon as you are ready.
It can take your body up to 6 cycles to become regular after coming off the pill.
The emotional toll.
Outside of the hundreds of hormones you are shooting into your body to assist the process, you have to get through so many different emotional rollercoasters. From seeing your friends and family get pregnant without struggling, hearing about people giving away children because they "didn't want them", people saying "just wait, relax, it will happen", "just adopt", complaining about the lack of sleep that they are getting, how they caught their child's throw-up in their had at the dinner table (Rockstar move - btw), seeing that negative test each and every month, is so draining. The thought of you are not enough, why is my body doing this to me, why me?! You have to trust a process that you aren't even sure will work. (Incase you didn't know... you are worth it). The preparation each holiday for the questions from family members on "when are you having kids?" "are you pregnant yet?" Or the numerous social media posts about pregnancy announcements of people who just got married, or had a kid... ugh. You feel awful for what you feel. You are jealous, and almost hateful to them but not because you are not happy for them, but because you want what they have so badly. Please be patient with your friends and family members that are going through infertility treatments, but also don't shelter your joys in your life from us.
The last almost 2 years of trying have been controlled by tears, breakdowns, intense emotional conversations, questioning my purpose, am I worthy?, re-thinking, mood swings, frustrating days, and more... but more importantly, an outpouring amount of love, support, happy tears, prayers and positive thoughts from everyone. It is such a private thing to talk about and it is up to each individual on if they want to share their story or not. We did not choose to share ours for you to feel sorry for us, or to "seek attention", I simply could not handle hiding my emotions from others without breaking down inside because they did not know what we were going through and what I was feeling. I also wanted to share the fact that this is something that a lot of people go through and inform the ones that do not have to struggle with it what this does to an individual and couple.
The financial toll.
As mentioned above, infertility treatments are not cheap. I have been keeping track of how much everything would have cost if we did not have insurance coverage, and its close to $40,000 and we are not even finished yet. Your life choices revolve around starting a family. You put your dreams to buy a house, a new car, investments, starting a business, traveling, everything is put on hold because every dime you save goes to this. It consumes your wallet. There are many assistance programs out there that help you set up payment plans, and provide coupons and discounts to medicine for those without insurance coverage. We saved for over a year just to be able to comfortably afford our portion of our treatments.
The physical toll.
You are putting your bodies though so much. The emotional toll mentioned above has a reaction to your physical body as well. You could be a stress or emotional eater and going through infertility could intensify that. I know when we would get a negative test at the end of the month all I wanted was sweets and a bottle of wine. Then we get into the actual treatment. You are laying on a table every other day for multiple ultrasounds, ovaries feel like they are HUGE because you are growing multiple follicles in a short amount of time, having to tell people that the marks on your arms are from giving blood every other day and not something else, icing and heating shot locations on your body for the multiple injections you do each month to prepare for each treatment. We haven't even began to talk about the changes your body goes through once a treatment works and you begin to "grow eyeballs." As women, the things our bodies can handle and what we go through are amazing. You are all rockstars in my eyes and huge shoutout to all the superstars out there.
It does not define you.
Yes, this may take up a majority of your life. Every thought, feeling, emotion goes into this process. But, you are stronger for having to go through it. The amount of strength that it takes to push yourself through ever appointment, positive and negative tests, shot, pill, blood work, retrieval, transfer has made you cherish what the end result is. Whether it's holding that precious joy(s) in your arms, bringing home a child through the adoption process, or being the best aunt/uncle in the world, you know you have worked so hard and done everything in your power to get to where you are. There are also facts out there that some women have miracle babies after their first child was conceived with treatment. Sometimes your bodies just need a jumpstart ;).
Thank you.
I want to again say thank you to everyone that has reached out to us in regards to our journey. Getting the texts or messages each week to check up on how doctor appointments went, or "You always leave us with cliffhangers in your posts... what happens next!??" means so much. I've had the blessing of talking with so many new people, and old friends, on their path to parenthood and things they have dealt with. I am so lucky that they have trusted me with their stories and feel I can be an open ear for them during their time. This was my main goal. You can have every person in your life send you love and thoughts and advice, but it doesn't compare to the support from others that have been in your shoes and know the same feelings you are experiencing. If you are looking for that support and are not ready to publicly share your story, please know my door is always open and I would be happy to be that listening ear, or shoulder to cry on for you.
If you know someone that is going through fertility treatments, give them a hug this week, or send them a loving message and just let them know you are there for them. It will mean more than you know.
Up Next for Us.
Stay tuned to see how our allergy specialist appointment went and the next step in our journey to become parents.
Facts provided by:
ASRM. Reproductive Facts. www.reproductivefacts.org.CDC.
Reproductive Health. March 30, 2017. www.cdc.gov/reproductivehealth/infertilityNORD.
Women’s Health Resource Center 2017. www.rarediseases.org/organizations/national-womens-health-resource-centerInfertility
As A Covered Benefit, William M. Mercer, 1997
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